Saturday, January 30, 2010


I am sitting here in my purple bathrobe surfing the web. Come upon a blog page that looks vaguely, this person has not updated in a few weeks...slow person...should do better...who was it?? ME!!!

Ok, I am sorry for the lack of updates. It's been kind of mind boggling the past few weeks with Allen wanting to move out, and then giving me the cold shoulder and making the decision to actually move out and live with his father. His father and I are making it official with a modified support order and modifying visitation and vacation times, etc...

Allen is already taking great offense to me being anywhere near him so I have the feeling he is going to go the way of his older sister and cut all ties with me. I hope he comes to the realization that he is wrong in his feelings and actions towards me. Time will tell.

Work is going well. I still wished I could get a full time job in the school district but I have patience and hope that I will eventually work there in a full time capacity with benefits and inservice meetings to go to and such...I work about 20 hours a week so that is good and I am holding my own with bills. I guess it's not a secret anymore to say that Susan and I are going to eventually live together, plans are for May-June when school lets out and the kids are home to help with the rearranging of the house. She is moving into my place and her commute will be slightly longer, but financially, it works out better this way. When she saw my house, I was kind of down about it but she propped me up with words of encouragement towards making this house a "home" for us. There will be painting, remodeling, and redecorating ideas flying around my house in the next year. It should be fun....She has some great ideas and she can make them come true, as to where, if I have an idea, it usually dies in the planning stage because I see the job as too monumental for me to do by myself. She truly is my strength...If anyone wants to help in the tear down, suggestions for credible and reliable construction people, remodel, and or clean up, just call me or leave me a comment...

That's all I can think of for now. Gotta do bills..and make sure February is as frugal as can be. One thing that I have seen in my grocery bill this month with Allen gone...only have one milk gallon in fridge instead of 3-4, and the house is quieter after 9pm, even on the weekends, where as before, he would still be on his xbox talking to his long distance buddies until who knows when.

Have a great weekend and Hello February....YAY!! My birthday is in 20 days!!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Well, real life sets in at day 4 of the new year!

Not so happy but dealing with real life issues that will affect my life for a long time.

My son, who has known for 3 months that I was gay has flown the coop. I knew he would, just like his sister, and I am very surprised it lasted 3 months. He just can't handle it. He has made his decision based on his religious beliefs and he is entitled to his opinion. He made his decision and I am not stopping him from exercising the choice to leave this house. I don't want him to hurt and that is all he does here,he is hurt, and grumbles, and complains when I ask him to do anything for me. After the ex left, I needed help and as a 14 yr old. he should help around the house and do something other than sit his butt on the computer or his XBOX 360 when he is at home. He has chores to do but he does not do them.

We had a huge discussion about his feelings and he spewed out nasty things about my new lifestyle and my girlfriend. I asked him if I changed who I was, if I were straight and if Susan did not exist in our lives, would he come back? His answer was no.

If being gay was something I could change, I would have 25 years ago. I have been trying to hide and suppress feelings for all those years. They do not go away! And now I am dealing with them in the most positive way I know how. By living openly and honestly. I am happy with my decision for the most part, except it hurting members of my family. I can't help that. I have to be who I am.

Susan, my life partner, if she'll have me (already know the answer,:)), is an honest, caring person who has made her life and accomplishments anybody would be proud of. She is a wonderful cook, loves to play board games, computer games, video games, knows all kinds of sports, loves to travel, watch movies or visit with long time friends in different cities. She is a beautiful person and I am so lucky to have her in my life. She sees in me the kind of person I have always wanted to be and was too afraid to show. I am open and honest with her, with no secrets. There were always secrets to my life, things I had to hide or conceal in any kind of relationship. I don't have to hide anymore. That is so comforting and scary at the same time. I know as time passes and we get to know each other better and live as one family, all those insecurities will go away because she is the kind of person who wants only the best for you. My best is her...

Have a great day!!!

Friday, January 1, 2010


Spent a wonderful evening with love, family and board games. Had fun, went to bed around 2:30am and just woke up to watch the Rose Bowl Parade under blankets on the couch. New Years Day at it's finest. Who could complain about that??