Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Time for a new blog

I just reread this blog from the first post and I have to say...I'm quitting and starting fresh. Probably over the Christmas holiday, I'll start one up. If you are on my twitter or Facebook page, I'll post the link there. If you do not have me there as a follower or friend, look me up...

The new blog will focus on the current stuff...life, kids, Susan, our new life together, and a few other surprises...

Who knows what the future holds. I am an open book and have no secrets...That is truly the way to live, ya know...XOXO

House refinance

Why is it that whenever I get an idea in my head about making my life easier, it's the hardest of stressful situations to get it there? I have been in refinance hell for the past 76 days. Hopefully, in a few days, I will have a much smaller house payment and have a lower amount to pay each year but as of now....I am going stir crazy with all the red tape and crap that goes with making it a smooth transition between two lenders. UGH!

After the refi, there will be breathing space to finally pay off some stuff and get into a nice pattern for paying off bills. In 10 years we hope to be debt free, totally, consumer debt and house debt. We just made some major renovations (new roof and new pipes and plumbing in the house and out to the street) which brings up the house value and the lower mortgage payments will make paying it off a bright spot in the near future.

I have also taken steps to get some money that someone owes me and that will help in the monthly budget to rid the debt even faster!

I love my life and looking forward to getting on with 2011. This next year will be awesome! All of our big stresses were in 2010 so 2011 should be smooth sailing.

Hoping yours is too.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

An update on the wayward children I call my offspring..

They both live with their father and hate me. Their father and step mother both hate me too. Ongoing theme here, huh?? Hmmm....not much of an update, huh?? However, I am more than happy to report that my youngest offspring, my adorable 8 year old, lives happy and healthy in our home with me and Susan and couldn't be happier. One possible reason for her to be happier than she is now is if Taylor Lautner (her current movie crush) walked through our front door and asked her to be his best friend forever!

Jessi, 19, and Allen, 15, along with their father,(my first ex) and his wife, give off so much hate to me and Susan, and the way we live, I have given them their space after the latest verbal sandblasting in July. My son only contacts me if I have something he wants (like his birth certificate so he can get his driving permit) and then it's back to "I hate mom, I hate mom". He says he has everything he wants at his dad's house and he's happy and that's ok with me. I still have visitation rights and he knows what weekend is mine so if he ever comes over to visit and is nice, I'll honestly fall on the floor from the shock.

His step mother texted me back in October when they found out Susan and I got married in Iowa and told me that both Allen and Arielle were upset about not being part of it or knowing about it. They were going to be put in counseling to help them with the adjustment. HA!! Counseling is what every child in that household needs. To make it clear, Arielle was involved in the planning of the wedding in Iowa. She helped with the rings and the flowers. She knew more about it than I did and she is perfectly happy with mommy and Susan being together. She is happy because mommy is happier than she has ever been and that's what every child should want for their parent. If Allen were to have any contact with me of his own accord, he also would have been a part of the wedding planning. His choice not to be involved in our family here.

Any human being who wants to see their parent dead, or harmed in any way, like my oldest 2 children wish upon me daily, definitely needs some counseling. Does the name Menendez come to mind?? Might want to google that family history...It is not pretty and I am not going down that road!

HAPPY DAY!! Love conquers all hate and bad thoughts. So glad I have such a wonderful support system in place to make all the bad go away...bye bye....

Merry Christmas???

I found some time in my busy schedule to finally update this blog. I also got a note from a friend of mine in Israel and said that she liked what she read so I feel an update is warranted.

I am currently listening to pod casts on my phone. I downloaded a mess of them, ranging from money to comedy and mom related issues. They are free and the only drag is that I have to charge up my phone more frequently. There is a wealth of information and things that you learn can really help you in your life.

Since it has been quite awhile, I'll update you on what's been happening in my life. When last I left this blog, it was May and summer was just beginning. Well, summer went by in a flash, as it was filled with lots of trips, family gatherings, and lots of visits to water parks. We traveled to Indiana, Missouri, through Kansas to Colorado, a flight for me to Los Angeles and a quick trip in October to Iowa. We spent many many hours in the car and it was an adjustment sometimes but on the whole, it went very well. Our trip to Colorado was 17 hours one way with a puppy dog. We had difficulties finding an appropriate doggy sitter so we ended up taking her with us. She was good and spent half the time on our laps and sleeping in the back with Arielle. We spent a week with my mom and visited with my brother and friends from my high school days. This was the first visit to see family since Susan and I had gotten together so for me, it was stressful. It was a fabulous visit, complete with my friends and mom and brother fully embracing Susan as one of the family. Susan also found out that some of my bad habits, do in fact come from my family. My mother has some of my annoying habits too. I blame heredity. :) Three different water parks were visited in three different states and we got quite a bit of sun..and had a ton of fun in the sun and surf.

I know some of you are wondering about my personal life, and I am more than happy to tell you, it is going perfectly and better than I deserve. Our families summer together was full and more fun and enlightening than any other other time in my life. As you remember from April, Susan and I got engaged to be married. The summer was spent planning that wedding and making sure that our lives together would make a smooth transition for our blended family. We went through both houses and did major cleaning up and decluttering. We moved furniture, replaced broken items, and reorganized bedrooms and by September, we had a moving van come in with a friend of ours and by Sunday evening, we were unpacking boxes and setting furniture up in all the rooms. It looks like a totally different house but it also feels more like home than it ever has before. Susan and I were both born in Germany to GI dads so our front room has artifacts from our respective German childhood homes. Brings a whole new sense of family to the home. Family pictures adorn the walls and have extended family represented. Susan is truly an asset to my disorganization and lack of creativity in decorating. She is great for Arielle too, and takes up the slack when I am not available. She is truly the best thing that has happened to both of us.

In October, we took a weekend and drove up to Iowa to visit some friends and to...get married! Iowa is one of 5 states that legally performs same sex wedding ceremonies so on October 8th, in a judges chamber in front of 2 of our friends, Susan and I got married. We had dinner at a lovely restaurant and visited a Taste of Des Moines Street Fair.

November was very busy, complete with our commitment ceremony for our family and friends. My mom from Colorado and sisters family from Indiana came in as well as friends from Las Vegas and Kansas City. We had a blast and now, are so glad we did it. But we are also glad that we only do this once, because it was a lot of stress in the planning and getting the weather to cooperate. We had 50 degree weather and a beautiful Sunday afternoon in a gorgeous park in Missouri. The pictures are gorgeous!

It is now December and we are racing to Christmas. The tree is up, presents are bought and mostly wrapped, and only 5 more school days til we have winter break for 2 weeks. YAY!! Life has been so hectic and bustling, but I know for a fact, that this year was the best I have ever had in my entire life. I finally found true happiness and know what is important to me and my family. love conquers all hate surrounding us. Tell the truth at all times and show love to all, you will be rewarded for it.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Summer is here...

Let the good times roll....Planning trips to see relatives and going to have a great time. Now we are packing and planning and trying to eat healthier and trying to lose a bit of weight before the summer is over. We are also trying to be a bit healthier in the finances department. We'll see how the summer goes. I have a chance at a part time job to compensate for the loss of earnings during the summer. Its a bit of a drive but hopefully it'll turn into a job that I will like to do and then it won't be so bad. It's day one of summer and I am going stir crazy with just being home. There is a list of chores that have to get done and I know that they are just waiting for me to cross them off the list. I am better at closing the door on the chore and hiding in another part of the house. Have to change that.....some day..

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Oh goodness. I keep looking...

I have been a tad busy and basically not in the mood to blog anything. I logged on today and to my surprise, I had 33 moderated comments to go through...LOL!

I don't want to advertise my blog, it's just a venting tool for me. It is not my sort of thing..I work in a classroom setting or a secretarial setting.

Things are going well and I love that spring is here and summer is coming..but there are bad things about it too. The school district killed 27 jobs and the teachers were bumped to different classrooms or eliminated. My daughters teacher is being moved to another school and she is heartbroken that she won't be able to see her everyday. Plus there is the part of the 6 week visitation with her father during the summer. He makes it impossible for me to talk to her while she is over there and she is very anxious about that this summer. We are going on a couple of trips before she goes to her dads so it should be a great adventure and memory making for when she is away from us.

Lets talk trips. I have been to over 20 different states and would love to travel more....I have also been oversees and visited many European countries.

Susan and I are planning trips to Las Vegas, Washington DC, San Francisco, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, and many more. I have already seen some of them but others will be a brand new adventure. I love traveling and it will be a highlight to our summers and vacations.

Time to get some household chores done. Thanks to all who read but don't ask me to advertise or your comment will just be deleted... :)

Til then...

Monday, April 12, 2010

A month later...

I am pleased and happy to announce that there is a wedding in my future. My girl, asked me to marry her Friday night. I graciously accepted and then I went and asked her hte same thing. She accepted also and we exchanged rings. The wedding is planned in the future but we don't exactly know when because while scouting for reception venues, we got the feeling that the date we had picked out, just wasn't soon enough. We'll see how that goes, but I am sure that when it happens, I'll let the important people in my life know...

I have no description of how I feel about her. I have been married twice before to men and I have never felt the love, trust, security, and utter devotion from any person, even my own parents or born into family than I do from her. I look at her and swoon. She makes my life full and exciting. She pushes me to do things out of the box so that I grow in experiences and grow in a love for life, and all the beautiful things life has to offer. I have gone to museums, eaten exotic food, traveled to places that I never even thought of going to before I met her. She is so good for me and my family. I am truly blessed!

And that is my update for today. Going to work out in the garden today, since the weather is going to be GORGEOUS!!

Til later!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Quite possibly deleting blog

This is a vein that I like to vent through but now it's being surrounded by autobots wanting me to make money off of it. NO THANKS!

March has brought me happiness and family time that I have loved. I never felt this way before with my family(s) before. I feel the love in everything we do, even going to the corner lanudromat doing laundry with my daughter and Susan.The love radiates throughout our home. My only question is, "Why didn't it happen so much earlier in my life?"

I don't think I have regrets because I have learned lessons throughout those experiences. I am grateful for the happiness I have now because I see so many people in society and in my friends circle that don't have it and have so many more headaches and problems than I do.

I pray that those friends and their families can find the peace and the help they need to find it too.

Til later!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

We are all getting older...

My birthday is tomorrow and I am heading towards life with a new focus. My life has changed so much for the better in the past 6 months that I aim to keep it that way. Work is going well, my life is happy with lots of lovely friends and family to support me. I am very lucky to have it all. I want to keep this good attitude for as long as it lasts.

There are low points but I can usually count to 10 and make them seem not so bad. They usually are a learning curve that I have to adjust for so when it happens again, I can go with the flow and see the good point of it all.

Too bad people can't be that way on a normal every day pace. I will try and make it part of my morning ritual to look in the mirror (after my shower)and tell myself, "This day will be good and I will be happy just having it."




Til later!

Monday, February 8, 2010

So Excited About Valentines Day!!

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!



Hope yours is as big and wonderful as I am expecting mine to be. XOXO

Monday, February 1, 2010

HAPPY FEBRUARY!!!

YAY! I am so happy! January is so hard on me and I am so glad it's over. February entails warmer weather (hopefully), Valentines Day, my birthday, and closer to March, April, and May which are my most favorite times of the year. Spring is my most favorite season because it offers the beginning of life in all shapes and sizes, flowers, trees, babies, etc...It's such a happy time!!!

Hope you enjoy your first day of February as much as I will.

Til later!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

HAPPY SATURDAY!

I am sitting here in my purple bathrobe surfing the web. Come upon a blog page that looks vaguely familiar...hmm..wow, this person has not updated in a few weeks...slow person...should do better...who was it?? ME!!!

Ok, I am sorry for the lack of updates. It's been kind of mind boggling the past few weeks with Allen wanting to move out, and then giving me the cold shoulder and making the decision to actually move out and live with his father. His father and I are making it official with a modified support order and modifying visitation and vacation times, etc...

Allen is already taking great offense to me being anywhere near him so I have the feeling he is going to go the way of his older sister and cut all ties with me. I hope he comes to the realization that he is wrong in his feelings and actions towards me. Time will tell.

Work is going well. I still wished I could get a full time job in the school district but I have patience and hope that I will eventually work there in a full time capacity with benefits and inservice meetings to go to and such...I work about 20 hours a week so that is good and I am holding my own with bills. I guess it's not a secret anymore to say that Susan and I are going to eventually live together, plans are for May-June when school lets out and the kids are home to help with the rearranging of the house. She is moving into my place and her commute will be slightly longer, but financially, it works out better this way. When she saw my house, I was kind of down about it but she propped me up with words of encouragement towards making this house a "home" for us. There will be painting, remodeling, and redecorating ideas flying around my house in the next year. It should be fun....She has some great ideas and she can make them come true, as to where, if I have an idea, it usually dies in the planning stage because I see the job as too monumental for me to do by myself. She truly is my strength...If anyone wants to help in the tear down, suggestions for credible and reliable construction people, remodel, and or clean up, just call me or leave me a comment...

That's all I can think of for now. Gotta do bills..and make sure February is as frugal as can be. One thing that I have seen in my grocery bill this month with Allen gone...only have one milk gallon in fridge instead of 3-4, and the house is quieter after 9pm, even on the weekends, where as before, he would still be on his xbox talking to his long distance buddies until who knows when.

Have a great weekend and Hello February....YAY!! My birthday is in 20 days!!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Well, real life sets in at day 4 of the new year!

Not so happy but dealing with real life issues that will affect my life for a long time.

My son, who has known for 3 months that I was gay has flown the coop. I knew he would, just like his sister, and I am very surprised it lasted 3 months. He just can't handle it. He has made his decision based on his religious beliefs and he is entitled to his opinion. He made his decision and I am not stopping him from exercising the choice to leave this house. I don't want him to hurt and that is all he does here,he is hurt, and grumbles, and complains when I ask him to do anything for me. After the ex left, I needed help and as a 14 yr old. he should help around the house and do something other than sit his butt on the computer or his XBOX 360 when he is at home. He has chores to do but he does not do them.

We had a huge discussion about his feelings and he spewed out nasty things about my new lifestyle and my girlfriend. I asked him if I changed who I was, if I were straight and if Susan did not exist in our lives, would he come back? His answer was no.

If being gay was something I could change, I would have 25 years ago. I have been trying to hide and suppress feelings for all those years. They do not go away! And now I am dealing with them in the most positive way I know how. By living openly and honestly. I am happy with my decision for the most part, except it hurting members of my family. I can't help that. I have to be who I am.

Susan, my life partner, if she'll have me (already know the answer,:)), is an honest, caring person who has made her life and accomplishments anybody would be proud of. She is a wonderful cook, loves to play board games, computer games, video games, knows all kinds of sports, loves to travel, watch movies or visit with long time friends in different cities. She is a beautiful person and I am so lucky to have her in my life. She sees in me the kind of person I have always wanted to be and was too afraid to show. I am open and honest with her, with no secrets. There were always secrets to my life, things I had to hide or conceal in any kind of relationship. I don't have to hide anymore. That is so comforting and scary at the same time. I know as time passes and we get to know each other better and live as one family, all those insecurities will go away because she is the kind of person who wants only the best for you. My best is her...

Have a great day!!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Spent a wonderful evening with love, family and board games. Had fun, went to bed around 2:30am and just woke up to watch the Rose Bowl Parade under blankets on the couch. New Years Day at it's finest. Who could complain about that??

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bye 2009, Hello 2010!!!

Have you ever looked or seen someone you haven't seen in a while and after talking to them and catching up, walk away saying,"Wow, they have really changed..."

I want people who see me in 2010 to say just that. Words like happier, confident, stable, livelier, more outgoing, always smiling...bubblier..come to mind.

2009 was a year of living, exploring, experimenting, realizing the ultimate truth behind so many facets of my life. I changed the way I live, love, and feel others love me. Acceptance and love are the only way to live this world we are a part of. Peace, harmony, and love. That's it. Friendly competition does not have to be an all out brawl to the death.

I will live 2010 and the years following differently. more accepting of people's strengths and weaknesses. We are all human and make mistakes. Not one of us will cease to make mistakes. We will learn from them and grow.

That is all any of us can hope for...a happy life where we can be accepted and loved. I learned this year that I have to accept myself first before anybody else can. Truth is the opening of hearts, minds and friendship to all races, creeds, nationalities, sexual orientation, disabled, etc...We are not here to judge one another for there is only One who can and will judge us fairly. We are here to grow and learn and make the world a better place than when we first got here.

Peace for us all in 2010! Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

YAY! Now I can move on...really.....!

Get on with life and put that part of me to the side, where it belongs.

I am still me, the me who people love and understand is a bit goofy, but lovable. A friend who would rather give til her heart bleeds than let you be disappointed in her. A friend who would put everything on hold to make you happy. That's me...

Well today I am finishing up a present for a very special person. I have found a project that I enjoy doing, that puts that personal touch in, where a group of people connect and can relive past events. It puts a smile on their face, and I grin at the love it represents...and shows.

Christmas is tomorrow and the kids are coming back from their father's for a few days and then are off to Iowa to see grandparents. It's a short time to see them (5 days)and I miss them dearly but I have really loved being here with Susan so we can bond and act all newlywed like. It's been so nice and we will be spending time with the kids during the next few days.

January is gonna be a trial on so many levels. New year, new life, looking for a decent job to help pay bills, seeing what bills I can lower or eliminate completely until the dust settles from the change. How is my new tax situation gonna help with bills for February? Hmm..maybe all the worry will help me lose the 5 lbs. that I gained during all this bonding happiness. So much food and I am eating it all!

Well, I am sure you will hear from me again on the weekend, after all the presents have been opened and smiles, jeers have been received.

Merry Christmas! Love to you and your families!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Better get this off before you guys think I have totally fallen off the cliff.

Things have been so busy around here and my brain is so wrapped up in the current chaos that is my life that half the time, I can't think at all. Does that make sense? Jeesh..I have no idea anymore.

The holidays are upon us and I am currently on vacation from work. Go back on January 4th. Spending lots of time with Susan getting Christmas done for our families......umm...oh yeah...I have not talked about Susan, have I? Hmmm..Lets go back about 25 years...

When I was 13 or 14...I thought I was gay and tried to kill myself..I had always had feelings for women, teachers, friends moms, etc. since I was 7 years old. I tried to come out to my sister and my parents and after my suicide attempt, they thought it best that I was put into a psych hospital for 2 months. Hmm.. I never mentioned my attractions to women after that. I proceeded to join the Mormon church and marry a man who used it against me after we divorced, 13 years later. Mind you, I never had a relationship with a woman, just desired one. He used that fantasy and made my life hell. Even worse after the divorce because he told my kids with a twist here and there to make me a evil person. Always desiring and never having the guts or being ashamed of those feelings not being normal or right, he loved to torment me with it.

Fast forward to 2005. Met and married second husband. My daughter left my house because of what my ex, her father had told her about my "past". I had no past, wanting or having feelings for a woman was my past. I never actually went through with it. I was plagued by my secret coming out. And her father used it against me in getting my children to hate me and want to move in with him. With her, it worked, based on fantasy....now present day. All of my kids know, even the 7 year old, and I am happy to say, she loves Susan and the boy,while not happy, he has made no mention of leaving my house for now so we'll just go day by day and see what happens.

My marriage to the second husband had been over for over a year now we just hadn't had the nerve to say anything to each other, we just did separate things, and enjoyed our separate lives together. There were so many things wrong and we slid into a state where I couldn't handle it anymore.

I had misgivings about my church for awhile for a lot of different reasons. Gay Rights have become forefront in light of Obama's election the past year and I had many visions and dreams about finally coming out. My husband was and still is a devout republican and I could not stand to listen to some of the stuff he was saying about my secret changing political views.

Long story short. I am gay and Susan is my girlfriend and I could not be happier with her in my life. She is everything I need. We came together in September because of a common fondness for the soap opera Guiding Light and their storyline of two heterosexual woman forming a friendship and then realizing that they had fallen in love with each other. It is based on their struggles with their own feelings,feelings for each other, and how they manage day to day life with their friends and family. Sadly, Guiding Light was cancelled and the storyline never was able to run it's full course..so sad. Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia played the roles superbly and are now most loved by a group of beautiful people I hang around with online.

My trip to Las Vegas was for me and 4 of my online friends to attend a fan gathering to meet 12 of the actors from Guiding Light and I had the pleasure of talking to Crystal about my own emergence into the gay world and how difficult it has been for me. I publicly declared in front of over 400 people and the Guiding Light cast how happy I was for the storyline and how much it changed my life. Most thrilling moment of my life!! It is so nice to not have this secret festering in my heart and head anymore. I have since come out on my facebook account and made a public declaration of love to Susan. All my friends and family have been loving and supportive, even if there are few out there who are struggling with my decision to come out so publicly. I am not immune to judgement but so far, it's been minimal. Love me for me, I'm just more honest now than before....no more secrets to hold back...




SO.....Merry Christmas to all. I sincerely hope that you are as happy as I am right now as we are about to enter another year with new avenues to pursue. Next year, I hope to be in a more stable place in life and love.

Til later!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Back from Vegas!

It's been a day since I have been back and I am organizing the pictures from the trip. I am trying to keep pictures of my friends stuff seperate from mine but I don't know if I can do that successfully. We had so many and frankly, my firends camera was a lot better then mine so we'll see how they look after I put them in the editor.

I will be back with pictures but it could be the weekend before I can get them up. If anyone cares....LOL!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy December!!

Work is good, house is looking well after ex came and got his stuff. Tree is up, and life is going well, if I just had more time to spend with the people I love. That's what I miss most. Movie nights are few and far between, haven't even seen New Moon yet and I want to see the movie with Sandra Bullock...Maybe over Christmas break. Have two weeks off...

Many Happy Days Ahead!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

My Black Friday Savings!!

We got up at 5am (oh gosh) and went to Walmart first. Bought stuff for $98.19 and saved $128.00 Yay!!!!

Next was Target. Bought stuff for $64.17 and saved $40.47.

Next was Justice for the baby princess in my house. Bought stuff for $68.95 and saved $$42.84.

Last but not least was Gordmans. Bought stuff for $69.01 and saved $85.03.

The grand total for all items bought was $300.32 and the amount saved by going this morning during Black Friday specials was $296.34. WOW!!!!!

And the best part about it is that with the exception of a few minor details, and small gifts, my Christmas shopping is all but done! And I found another great surprise today....Susan loves to wrap!!! I hate to wrap! Could I find a better person to spend my time with? No, I think not!!! I am so lucky!!!! Angel and Bubba are so lucky to have me since they, this year, deserve coal and twigs for Christmas. I am a softy! And sadly, they know it, and use it to their advantage.

And now we are going back to bed since 5am and Andi do not mix, at all!!!! Night!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi all! Happy go lucky Andi here. The turkey is in, Susan is making breakfast for me and her niece who lives with her and I am catching up on computer stuff. I am not slacking... there are pictures of me and the turkey getting quite intimate with butter, garlic, poultry seasoning and the rest....

I am happy today. The kids are with their fathers and I know they are having fun with their relatives in Iowa. Their grandmother is in poor health and not doing very well this year so its best they are with her. I am happy because I feel like everything is going to be fine. I wake up in the morning wanting it all to be perfect and that's just not going to happen. It is what it is and I have to live with that. I have a beautiful soul next to me helping me through the rough time. We are helping each other and that is what makes us happy right now. No one knows tomorrow, but I sure hope she is here by my side tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and the rest of our lives. I am thankful for her!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Wednesday

It is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I am getting ready to drive to Susan's house this afternoon for this weekends festivities. Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow with her family, or it may just be the two of us, Friday: shopping, Saturday: packing up stuff here, Sunday: getting ready for next week.

I am headed to Vegas to meet up with friends next weekend and I am super excited about it. We are all there to meet up and have some fun! We all need a break from our lives so we are doing just that. Susan can't come with because she has to work but she'll pick me up at the airport and then back to the work week til Christmas vacation. Busy busy month ahead.

I want to wish all my friends and family a wonderful holiday weekend. I am truly thankful for the people I have gotten to know in the past year so I could handle the life changes I am experiencing now. THANKS!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

It just keeps on coming....

It's 6:05am and I am debating on whether or not to let them call me into work today. It should be a super easy day but I have so much on my mind that my heart and body aches with worry and stress.

My father is 65 and lives in Colorado. He shattered his L1 vertebrae on Wednesday. He did not go into the hospital til Friday night after he told my mom, to do what is best. Ambulance took him to hospital. DUH!! he's 6'1" and 110 lbs. He has acute renal failure and is getting a bit better with meds and being pump0ed with fluids to kick start his kidneys again. I asked mom if she wants me to come home for Thanksgiving, but she said no. So I am staying here and waiting on updates.

There are things in my life right now that I have no control over and it's killing me. The ex is being a jerk about money and can't get his freaking act together so I can live. If he does not get me what he owes me, I'll be forced to go on government aide and I really do not like being on the systems payroll. I live in Illinois. The government here can't pay their workers their hard earned pay, what can I expect from a broken system that we have paid into to help the people who are really in need in hard times?? It all just sucks!!

The only saving grace in my life is my BFF, Susan. She helps me whenI am down, comforts me when I am stressed and loves me for who I am and who I am desperately trying to become. We are celebrating Thanksgiving together since the kids are going to their fathers and we are going to get up Friday morning to check out the Black Friday sales. She is up at 4am and I have never done that so it will be an experience. It should be a fun Thursday and Friday.

Oh and then I have Saturday to look forward to.

Saturday the ex is picking up his furniture he still has here, including my queen size bed. He is taking the couch, recliner, bed and living room tv. UGH!! I am so glad that Susan will be there for me cause I am going to need her after he leaves with the stuff. The house will look so empty. Luckily, she is giving me some replacement furniture until I can get settled into my own stuff again.

Well, those are my plans for the week. I hope that my friends in life are happy and will make the most of this holiday season. I look forward to hearing about your life. TTYL!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Update on job

Well, I never got an interview but I now know why. I was never given the paperwork to register me with the state so I could actually be hired. So the paperwork is being processed and the next time that I have an application I want to file, I'll be prepared and actually get on the interview list.

Life is pretty good. Work is good and my personal life is coming together. The kids are handling their own with having news given to them. Life sometimes throws things at us that we have to contend with. Life is not always what we invision it. It has changes and twists and turns and we have to conform to meet those challenges head on. They are there to help us learn and to teach us how to handle society as a whole as different people with different talents and things to offer. We are all one planet and we have to get along. No hate mongering in my family. I won't stand for hateful talk in my house against anyone.

Update:::
I am in the middle of trying to find out how I am going to support my family now. Just got a rude awakening as to my current financial situation. Oh crap, and right before Christmas too. I have a court order saying that I am owed so much money by January 1st but the person who owes it to me, is being a jerk about it....UGH!! Time to step into action Plan B, C, and possibly Plan D! I will never lend a hand to help someone out of a financial situation mess they caused by their own stupid practices because now I am getting screwed for being nice and unselfish!


LESSON LEARNED!!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hi again...

I don't have to work today so I am catching up on things that have been put on the backburner for awhile.

I am currently waiting for a job application to be reviewed so I can get this job I really want. Prayers would be appreciated since the money situation will be getting pretty thin in a month or so, just before Christmas.

The divorce is final and actually was super fast. He and I are still talking. It's strange cause now I am receiving email forwards from him about stuff that he knew I hated to get when we were married. It's like he wanted out and just be friends....
I can't do that. I need to move on and I am doing that without him.

The kids are doing well. The ex is not talked about and not really an issue. We have other issues that we are dealing with at the moment which have long standing consequences but they will all be worked out eventually too. It involves their father so that is a neverending dilemma.

My wish for all is to have a great upcoming holiday season. It's coming fast and will be here before we know it. Winter storms, ice, snow, down right blistery cold days are all the lovely things that we are going to have to endure the next 4-5 months. I am trying to gear up for it the best I can. We'll see what happens.

Have a great day!

Monday, September 28, 2009

MY LIFE!

My life is going through great transitions right now and I appreciate prayers going to our family at this time. Anyone who needs or wants more info, contact me directly, do not go through family as they are not privy to my feelings or how we are handling this crisis!

Thank you!

Friday, July 24, 2009

The update of a Lifetime...Pictures

Jessica and I had a talk about a month ago at church and I told her that I would give her a list of stuff that she left at my house...her yearbooks, projects from school, and other things that she had left behind that I still had in my possession. She called me yesterday, her 18th birthday. She asked me where we wanted to meet to get her those things I had collected for her. We set up a time and place and planned to meet. I was nervous and excited and very scared. Was she gonna be nice...was she gonna tell me to stay out of her life forever? She had both options. I really had no idea.

Well, this was the result....





Allen was there and took the pictures. I was talking so I look goofy but my girl is standing next to me and smiling so it's definitely an improvement over a year ago when she would not even cross the street to give Arielle a hug at a parade. She says she is far away from forgiving me but she still gave me an open door to look through as we take baby steps toward coming back together as a family. I gave her two hugs and a kiss on the cheek and she didn't shove me away so that was very encouraging to me. I love her so much! I just hope in the next few months, as she continues to struggle with her college and new found adult life, she will realize that I am a shoulder she can lean on if she needs it.

I'll keep you up to date. I am so grateful for all 3 of my kids. And the weight being lifted off my shoulders by yesterday's events made for a very restful night.

Til later!

The update of a lifetime....Videos

I made these two videos as a momento to the 18 years that Jessi has lived so far as my child. She is now an adult and has to live her own life. It was easier capturing moments of her life when she was younger. These videos are a present to her family and friends who have loved her all these years.


video
Home movies combined into a video set to music. Enjoy!



video
Still pictures set to music. Enjoy!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Monday, is it August yet?

I woke up this morning and got online and remembered that I had to take my car into the repair guy. My car has not been able to go in reverse for three weeks. I took it in and walked the 3 miles back home. They said probably this afternoon. I said it better be today.....ARGH! $375 later....luckily I have it in savings to take out.

Later.....

Yay! I got my car back! I don't feel so out of control now. Went to Walmart to do a drink run and am now home to work more on my DD's video. T-minus 3 days til my baby turns 18 and it's killing me going through the home movies and sorting through the pics. Oh well...time does not stand still for anyone...not even me...lol

Til later!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

What....she's back??? Eh, maybe...

Oh gosh! Life has kicked my butt and is turning around to make another sweep. Hurry, duck, or jump, or do whatever so it doesn't hurt so bad.

My update is short and sweet! June was me sitting in front of my computer 20-21 hours a day getting things worked out for making videos and spending alot of time on Facebook's farmtown. July has been emotional getting my daughters video together for her 18th birthday which is now only 4 days away. Her leaving 3 years ago was heart wrenching but that was nothing compared to this week when she an legally tell me to get out of her life completely. I know she will do it. I have no legal recourse after this week. She will be an adult and can have me arrested for just wanting to talk to her or looking at her.

The kids are on their 5th week out of 6 of being at their father's house. They come back on the 31st of July and then we get ready for our trip to Florida. Allen has football practice and won't be coming with the rest of us. We'll miss him because we want him with us, but he has told me no, he'd rather be home. OK, whatever. His choice...

I had the great fortune this past week to have dinner with a blogger friend of mine in St. Louis. We have been talking for months and finally got together on Tuesday night. She is a mommy blogger. You can check out her site here...We had lots to talk about and look forward to doing it again really soon.

OK, it's late and my tummy is not feeling well all day so I am going to bed. Church will have to wait another week. I need to stay close to a bathroom, I think. FUN!!

I will update more frequently now since our Florida trip is almost here and there will be lots of pictures to share. Hope every one has been having a great summer. Let me know how you are. *hugs*

Til later!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Tag????? Oh No, I'm It.

Here is a game....Dedicated to Financial Freedom tagged me and now it's your turn...

So here are the rules:

Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post
Share seven facts about yourself in the post
Tag seven(or how many read your blog) by leaving their names and links to their blogs
Let them know they’ve been tagged.
7 interesting things about me:

1.) I love my kids to total desperation...all of them...even the cranky ones...
2.) My brain never stops thinking about one of my kids all day long.
3.) I love my computer/PDA and have withdrawal symptoms when I am away from it.
4.) I am at heart a very lazy person in my opinion, but when I am watching tv or trying to relax, I am doing three different things in my head or walking around not watching and relaxing.
5.) I am quite happy driving 4 hours to my sisters house as long as I have my music cranking in my ears on th elaptop next to me and a cracked open window.
6.) I go absolutely crazy if my bank balance falls under $100.00. I need to have that cushion there to feel secure.
7.) I love my husband and yet sometimes I really don't understand why he does some of the things he does...I guess that's because he's a guy! The ultimate mystery!

OK, this is going to be hard to tag since almost no one reads it. If you have commented, you're tagged...

I am tagging....

All Doors Considered
Organized Doodles
Because Dandelions Are Pretty
The Anderson Clan

Friday, May 22, 2009

I have a high school graduate for a daughter!

Finally some time to post. Things have been very hectic and very busy here. I worked 24 days straight subbing and this is the first time in weeks I have been able to sit down for any amount of time and get any video stuff done. Jessica graduated high school last Saturday and it was a memorable trip I wanted to share with you. Hope you like it! This is a rough edit but I had to share anyway. There will be a better version hopefully in a few weeks....and a few other videos portraying her life thus far. ENJOY! That is my summer project!
video

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Too much stress from life, family, and work..

I haven't updated here in awhile so I have decided to take a break from blogging. i can be easily reached via email, facebook, and Twitter. All those extensions are akbennett06.
Suze Orman is on Twitter so I have been enjoying her tweets. She is enjoying tweeting and answering Qweets (questions) and in three days did over 1000 tweets. Awesome! I love reading them and learning too. She answered 4 different times for me so I think that I am star struck just a little. Who better to talk to about the financial crisis we are in today?

There is a lot of upheaval in my personal life too so that is not helping my stress level any. After school gets out, May 29th, I'll post and update on what has been happening. I am sorry about this but I feel guilty just leaving it open without an explanation. I'll be back, just can't do it right now.

Til later...much later....LOL!